This post is a continuation of my previous post about my pregnancy after ectopic pregnancy loss covering weeks 35-36 of my current pregnancy after ectopic pregnancy loss. If you have not read that one before this one, I recommend reading it. As well as my first post covering this current pregnancy which covers pregnancy after ectopic pregnancy loss in weeks 4-17.
I like to share these posts because I have enjoyed reading others’ stories online. It has made me feel less alone in feelings and everything I am experiencing with pregnancy after loss.
For those who do not know, this is my third pregnancy (I have had 3 chemical pregnancies before my living daughter, but I have only had 3 medically/clinically diagnosed pregnancies). My first was my living daughter who was born prematurely due to preeclampsia with severe features and my second was an ectopic pregnancy I am on my second pregnancy in less than a year. This is my pregnancy after ectopic pregnancy loss.
According to ACOG an ectopic pregnancy is, “when a fertilized egg grows outside of the uterus. Almost all ectopic pregnancies—more than 90%—occur in a fallopian tube. As the pregnancy grows, it can cause the tube to burst (rupture). A rupture can cause major internal bleeding. [Ectopic pregnancy is] a life-threatening emergency that needs immediate surgery.”
According to Pregnancy after Loss Support, “Pregnancy after loss is a unique experience of grief and joy that requires recognition from family, friends, peers, and professionals“
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Table of Contents
Pregnancy after Ectopic Pregnancy Loss: Week 37
One word: Unreal.
It is such a shock to me I made it to term. Especially in a pregnancy after ectopic pregnancy loss.
I was convinced I wasn’t going to make it to 37 weeks. I prepared as much as I could to make sure if I gave birth early we all weren’t caught off guard. Nothing could have convinced me otherwise. All my experience has told me is that I either lose pregnancies or I give birth early.
Instead of going to the NICU every day at this gestational age, I was feeling her move inside my belly. I started to feel the aches and pains of pregnancy such as it getting harder to get out of bed in the middle of the night, starting to waddle, etc.
At my routine appointment, I asked more about my c-section. As it gets closer, the more nervous I get. My doctor walked me step by step from going into the hospital doors to going into the mom and baby unit. My doctor is a different doctor than I had with my first, so I also prefaced that I wanted to know what a non-emergent c-section was like. Even though I’ve been through one before, I was so fuzzy on magnesium sulfate and it was all rushed.
I’ve been preparing mentally for a while now since I know it’s what will happen. I’m not looking forward to the recovery at all, but I know I will get through it and it’ll be okay. I’ve set up my house to accommodate my healing and have been making easy freezer meals. It helps my husband has paternal leave this time so I won’t be completely on my own.
My doctor started to tell me how other patients who had an emergency c-section and then a schedule all say it’s a better experience. It’s much calmer. How baby is out in a few minutes and they will lift her and/or drop the curtain so I can see her. (This was extremely important to me because I never saw my daughter.
I didn’t see her until I went to the NICU for the first time 27 hours after birth). And they’ll do their checks and Steven can follow them with the baby or stay by me. And then he can bring her over to me. They explained that sewing me back up will be the longest part of the process.
The closer it gets the more I’m just dreading the actual surgery. More of the fact of having to heal from surgery again. I will have been through 2 surgeries in a year by the time I’ve given birth (ectopic & c section). So I just know my body has been through a lot & will need the time and space to heal.
I know parts of it might be triggering once I get there. Such as being hooked up to monitors and IVs since every time I have been it’s been in an emergent setting.
I think it’s going to be just one step at a time. I have the support of my husband and my medical team is so fantastic. I am somehow making it through my pregnancy after ectopic pregnancy loss.
Pregnancy after Ectopic Pregnancy Loss: Week 38
I also couldn’t believe I made it to week 38 and to that routine appointment. I was offered a cervical check and I consented because, at this point, I am just so curious. I was already at 4 cm at 35 weeks with my daughter before I was induced. I was still closed but effaced. Which was crazy to think. I just couldn’t believe I could still be pregnant.
It was a typical routine appointment, chatted about the C-section, asked if I had any questions, listened to her heartbeat, and all the other things. I walked out still shocked I could still be pregnant.
Pregnancy after loss and preeclampsia is so hard. I am second-guessing every single symptom and feeling. I have absolutely no preeclampsia symptoms, I keep telling myself. I’m not swelling in the slightest (still wearing my wedding ring comfortably). No blurry vision, no upper right quadrant pain, etc. nothing to point to me having to worry.
And that is what makes pregnancy after preeclampsia so difficult. It’s so mentally and emotionally exhausting. It’s waiting for it to happen, even though it might not. It’s counting down the days and hoping you will make it farther than the last pregnancy.
And so far, I am. I am happy I have already made it full term. And I’m just crossing my fingers preeclampsia will not show up again. My fear of loss has subsided a lot especially since her kicks and rolls are so noticeable now. And frankly, just really trying not to think of anything else but good things. It helps ease my anxiety about birth.
Because I know I am doing all that is in my control. I know my doctors are looking out for me. I know my husband is watching out for me too.
For now, it’s just a waiting game. And I am so ready to meet our baby.
Pregnancy after Ectopic Pregnancy Loss FAQs:
- I had surgery and my tube was removed
- I also had a large cyst in my ovary at the same time that was drained out during the surgery
- I had a D&C at the same time
- I never took methotrexate to manage the ectopic pregnancy
- I do not qualify for a VBAC due to my medical and pregnancy history
- I have been on baby aspirin ever since I was TTC due to my history of blood clots and preeclampsia
- I tracked my cycle after my ectopic pregnancy surgery with Premom pregnancy tests
Books I Read After My Ectopic Pregnancy Loss
I read a few books after my ectopic pregnancy loss. I found books helped me feel less alone in what I was going through.
Some of my favorites are:
- I Had a Miscarriage by Jessica Zucker
- Unexpecting: Real Talk on Pregnancy Loss by Rachel Lewis
- Gone Too Soon by Sherri Devashrayee Wittwer
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