An Interview With Jess

This week, I am excited to share another interview with birth trauma and preeclampsia survivor. Preeclampsia survivors are amazing and strong women who have faced some of the worst things you can face during pregnancy and postpartum. I

n the past few months, I have interviewed a preeclampsia survivor from the UK and her husband as well as a postpartum preeclampsia survivor. Be sure to check out previous interviews such as a preeclampsia survivor who started her own Instagram page to bring awareness to NICU babies as well as one who created her own non-profit. I am in awe of these strong women who have taken something so traumatic and horrible into something that helps others.

I am a preeclampsia survivor, and if you would like to read my own birth trauma and preeclampsia experience, click here

About Me

Hi, my name is Jess, I am 28 years old and I am a birth trauma and preeclampsia survivor. I live in Newcastle-under-Lyme in the UK. I live with my partner, Steve and we have the most beautiful little girl who’s now 6 months old. I’m currently suffering from PTSD and severe anxiety due to birth trauma and preeclampsia. I am currently still in and out of the hospital for my blood pressure. I created my Instagram preeclampsiaandme as a release once I was diagnosed with PTSD to try and help others going through the same.

Pregnancy

Tell me about your pregnancy.

I found out I was pregnant at about 3 weeks so it was super early! But from the beginning, I was sick constantly. I was anxious as well as a few months earlier I had miscarried. I went through a lot of trauma with that. Also, I had to stay in the hospital for a while and was close to having a blood transfusion. 6 months before that, I had a suspected miscarriage. This caused my anxiety to go through the roof. 

I was sick constantly. When I met my midwife all my observations were fine, especially my BP. I still didn’t feel right and I was panicking the whole time. I went for my 12-week scan, and I couldn’t look at the screen until they said,

“There’s the heartbeat.”

I sobbed!

I sobbed so much. It finally sunk in that our baby was okay. After a few midwife appointments, my blood pressure had started to rise. My midwife put it down to white coat syndrome, which I had suffered from before due to my anxiety, so I didn’t think anything of it. Everything was going smoothly until I hit 15 weeks 2 days.

Steve and I had just traveled back home from visiting his sister for a few days when I started to bleed heavily. I rang the maternity assessment unit but because I wasn’t 16 weeks they couldn’t see me. So I had to go to the surgical assessment unit.

Once I got to the surgical assessment unit, I was admitted. I was then given the anti D injection because my blood group is RhB-, so it needed to be done just in case. They sent me home and put me on bed rest. Basically told me what would be will be. I bled for a few more days and then it stopped.

What happened next?

I had a heavy bleed again when I was 15 weeks and 6 days. I ended up back in the hospital. They let me go to the maternity assessment unit this time as it was close to midnight, so I was technically 16 weeks. They checked me over to check if my cervix had opened and we got to hear our little puddings heartbeat. I became readmitted into the hospital and kept in for a week. I had to have another anti D injection because of how heavy the bleed was.

It was discovered that I had a water infection and was dehydrated. I still felt sick and told it was normal, but I knew something still wasn’t right. Later, I had ended up having gestational diabetes. On the 6th of February, I was readmitted to the hospital due to a problem with my scan. The flow to the baby had intermittence and the placenta just didn’t look right.

After I was monitored for a couple of hours they found an issue. I then was taken to delivery at only 28 weeks pregnant.

I didn’t have a clue what was going on. They injected me with steroids and magnesium through a cannula. After 2 days, I was sent home and was told I had to come into the hospital every day to be monitored for an hour to make sure everything is okay.

When I went back the next day, and while I was being monitored there was an issue with the trace again. I ended up being readmitted. Luckily, after speaking to the consultant I was able to go home. I had an appointment for my diabetes before my scan and whilst I was there my blood pressure was through the roof, 145/97 and it wasn’t coming down. The consultant stopped the appointment and rang the maternity assessment unit.

Immediately I was wheeled upstairs in a wheelchair. I felt like a fraud because I felt okay, but they wouldn’t let me walk. After being monitored for 3 hours, I was readmitted to the hospital. I was told that I had absent-ended diastolic flow (there were constant intermittences from me to the baby and if this got worse the blood flow could back up and kill us both).

That was the start of my 2-month stay.

I still didn’t have a clue what was going on properly as they spoke in medical terms to me–felt so much in the dark with it all. I was given labetalol. This prescription was increased to the maximum dosage after a few days. Also, ended up having daily scans and daily monitoring, and 3 times in my stay I ended up in the delivery ward.

All false alarms.

I spent my birthday in the hospital and my mental health was just getting so much worse. I was lonely a lot of the time. Medical students kept coming in and asking me questions. They said, “I was a really nice person and you’ve been recommended for my study”. What people didn’t realize was I was struggling with my mental health. I just didn’t know why my body was failing me. My body had gone so swollen I looked like a balloon. 

Birth/Hospital Stay

What was it like the day your baby was born?

Just 2 days after my birthday, I was sent for a scan at 8 am. I was gutted because I had just got my breakfast so didn’t have time to eat it. I went for my scan and the consultant turned round to me and said “are you still pregnant?”.

She did the scan and some fluid had gone from around the baby. So she said,

“Your little girl is coming today.”

I was only 32 weeks and 1 day. I was so scared that I couldn’t stop shaking. She rang the delivery suite and told them to expect me and I was put on nil by mouth as I was going for a c section. I was starving! I’d missed breakfast but I also felt physically sick from nerves. I rang my partner explaining and said this time it was not a false alarm. It felt like he was at that hospital from work in seconds. We waited and waited and finally, at 12 pm someone came to collect me from the delivery suite.

All the nurses from the ward were so excited that the day had arrived as they had got to know me pretty much over a month of staying there.

I was taken up to delivery.

I had gotten so swollen they couldn’t get a cannula in and nearly ended up putting on my neck, but luckily they found a vein with the scan machine before that. They pumped me with magnesium again and told me I would be going for surgery at 7 pm.

I knew something was wrong when the midwife went out to get the main midwife. It was at 5.30 pm and then they told me I was going for an emergency c section. I was taken into theatre. I thought,

“It can’t be too bad as I hadn’t been put to sleep”.

However, they had to put an arterial line through to monitor my blood pressure in real-time and to get blood gasses when needed. I was still fine and was told that I wouldn’t hear my baby cry, but we did! It felt like release left my body and then I started to feel ill. I told my partner I didn’t feel well and told him to get the person monitoring my blood pressure.

My blood pressure dropped to roughly 90/40 (can’t remember the exact sorry). I started to vomit a lot and my eyes started rolling to the back of my head. I knew I didn’t look right because I could see the panic in Steve’s face.

All I remember him saying was

“Please stay with me”.

I was then injected with some sort of adrenaline. I never got to find out because of COVID! They asked Steve if he wanted to come to meet his daughter. He took photos and came back to show me. They then put her in an incubator, stopped for me to see her, and took her away. Before she went I asked Steve to touch me and to touch her. I needed to have some sort of touch even if it wasn’t me physically. 

I was then taken to recovery. While in recovery, I had to stay until I could move my toes a little bit. After I was able to move my toes I was able to see her. It felt like it had been forever since she was shown to me in the incubator.

I was put next to her, still in the hospital bed, and she was in her incubator. My heart broke in that moment. I was so in love. But so hurt that I hadn’t held her and couldn’t touch her. This only added to my struggles with birth trauma and preeclampsia. I wasn’t allowed to see her again until I could walk because I was taken to the High Dependency Unit where I got to see my Mum and Dad. I inhaled about 5 tuna sandwiches and all I could think of was,

“Be positive no one needs to see you sad, you will see her in the morning”. 

Tell me about your hospital stay when you were diagnosed with preeclampsia.

I think I’ve explained a lot in the previous questions so I won’t go off again about it. All I can say where if it wasn’t for the amazing staff at Royal Stoke Hospital, my partner Steve and my family, I don’t think I would be on the path I am today and I’ll forever be grateful. 

Did your baby have a NICU stay? Tell me about it.

My daughter was born in the Royal Stoke hospital. She was looked after by the most amazing nurse I could have ever met. She treated my daughter like her own and I’ll forever be grateful for this. I slept with ease when I knew she was on shift.

I knew Isabella was going to be looked after well. She explained every single thing that she could to me in a lot of detail and this helped. After 3 days they told me that Isabella was going to be moved to another hospital as they needed the space for a sick baby. Isabella was responding so well and didn’t need their level of support. This hospital was an hour away from home.

The journey to the hospital was one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever experienced. Once again, the staff was fantastic. They told me to have a little sleep and not to worry. Isabella transferred to Leighton hospital and the nurses/health care assistants were amazing! They looked after me as much as they did Isabella. They helped me through the hard times and celebrated the milestones that Isabella was reaching with me.

The medical team became my family. And made my experience with birth trauma and preeclampsia a slight bit easier. It felt like we were in the NICU for months/years but we were there for 33 days. 

Reflection

How has your life changed since the preeclampsia diagnosis?

I’m currently having weekly counseling sessions over video calls due to PTSD, which is helping. I was struggling with coming to terms with it all once we were home and it all hit me. I’m still in and out of the hospital. I will be getting tests done for my blood pressure and kidneys. I’m due an MRI, but I’m not sure when that will be happening.

I struggle a lot with my back and my shoulders and they’re not sure whether this is from being on bed rest pretty much for a month and then still not being able to exercise after the birth trauma and preeclampsia. 

Did you struggle with any emotions of failure/upset that it happened to you?

Constantly!! Still, today I have moments where I get upset. I blame myself because I missed out on a lot of things that people get excited about during pregnancy. I didn’t have a baby shower due to being in the hospital. Because of what I went through, I lost a lot of my maternity leave because of being in the hospital and then caring for Isabella afterward, and then COVID hit.

I’ve missed out on the ‘norm’ of pregnancy. I get very jealous of other people’s pregnancies even though I’m glad they’re doing okay. It’s such a strange feeling, but hopefully, the counseling will help me through this. 

How long did you suffer from the effects of preeclampsia?

I’m still suffering now, but hopefully, things get better after all these tests. 

Describe your journey with birth trauma and preeclampsia in 3 words.

A crazy ride 

Did you know that birth trama and preeclampsia could occur before it happened to you?

Nope! I knew nothing about preeclampsia, what it was or that it was even a thing. It needs to be made aware of, and people need to be aware that not all pregnancies are a smooth ride. I’m glad people like yourself are raising awareness!

What advice would you give to women who are dealing with tough birth trauma and preeclampsia?

This is not your fault! None of this is your fault, these things just happen, unfortunately. I went through a lot of days and hatred to my own body because I blamed myself, but with help from my counseling sessions, I’m starting to come to terms with that this isn’t my fault.

I’d also read a lot of other people’s stories, and write down your own journey so that you can see how far your child has come along, and even more so that you can see how strong you are as a person yourself.

Talk about it, when you feel like people don’t want to listen, still talk about it. Don’t let your feelings bottled up. Because if you’re anything like me then this won’t help your recovery. It’s also okay to think about yourself, don’t feel selfish, and don’t let anyone let you believe that you’re being selfish, self-care is 100% important anyway but even more so now. 

What advice would you give to women who have been diagnosed with birth trauma and preeclampsia?

If you don’t feel right in yourself, listen to your gut and speak to your midwife or health care provider. Always believe in yourself. I didn’t really know much about preeclampsia or the struggles that come with it. I wish I asked more questions during my hospital stay but always ask!

Don’t miss any of your appointments as these are so important, and can save your life. If you feel worried speak out, don’t focus on the negatives like I did, and read success stories as this will give you the boost you need, trust me. 

What was your biggest support (friends, family, religion, etc)?

My partner, Steve was my biggest rock. He had to deal with my rollercoasters of emotions whilst going through it himself. I would cry, scream, laugh and some days just not say anything and every night he would be there to support me and help me sleep. He would help me out of bed when I was struggling, wash my hair, and make sure that I was eating. He really kept me together.

My mum and Dad were my next support. My mum and Dad drove hours to be with me and make sure that I was copying okay. And to see how well their granddaughter was doing. Once COVID hit they couldn’t come and visit. But they would FaceTime with me every night to check on me and for updates.

My sisters! Including my 2 sisters-in-law. My sisters would always check, they even came to clean my room and sort all my stuff so that I could have a shower and wash my hair. Tonita and Lucy (my sisters-in-law) would ring/text every day to check that we were all okay and were there for me to cry down the phone when things got bad. They still check up on me now every day. I don’t think I would have got through any of this without these people.

What do you wish people knew about birth trauma and preeclampsia?

I wish people knew about preeclampsia in general. I had heard about it but never really knew much about it until it had happened to me. Because the symptoms that you get can happen even when you don’t have preeclampsia, people need to make sure that they still get checked and monitored just in case.

Birth Trauma and Preeclampsia

Birth trauma and preeclampsia can affect many women in multiple different ways. I wish it didn’t happen at all, but the fact of the matter is it does. That is why we need to spread stories like this one with anyone who has even the slightest chance of facing birth trauma and preeclampsia. Thank you Jess for your story of birth trauma and preeclampsia it will not fall on deaf ears.

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If you are a preeclampsia survivor or HELLP syndrome survivor and would like to share your story, please contact me through email at courtney@knockonmotherhood.com. I would love to share your experience with birth trauma and preeclampsia and keep spreading awareness. I am trying to gather as many preeclampsia survivors’ birth stories as possible to spread awareness.

If you are a preemie mom, I would also love to share your story. Please contact me through email at courtney@knockonmotherhood.com.

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Stay up to date with me on our Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and subscribing to my email list.

Get your Survivor T-Shirt here!



Click here for the HELLP Syndrome Survivor Shirt

Click here for the Preeclampsia Survivor Shirt

Not only can you read my words, but you can also listen to me too! Here it is the Knock on Parenthood Podcast!

Want to embrace what you went through? Birth trauma and Preeclampsia affects many women. Get this preeclampsia survivor shirt by clicking the image below.

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