I am not one to readily share my deep feelings, but one day my daughter Cora might want to know about her NICU stay and her father’s love. So here it goes.

Father’s Love Letter

Dear Cora,

Father’s love kicked in long before you were born and increased as I got closer to meeting you. Many things happened with your mother getting preeclampsia. I guess I should just be happy I got to meet you sooner because of it.

Your NICU stay started moments after you were born. Moments could easily be forgotten, but never will. In the delivery room, the song “Happy” by Pharrell Williams was playing as they took you out of Mom and passed you through the window in the OR into the NICU. On both sides, you fought for your life. You needed to come early because things weren’t good with the preeclampsia taking over your mom’s body.

Your NICU stay started as your doctors and nurses moved you into your first home on earth. It all went so fast. They told us you were 4 lbs exactly. At that moment I thought

“What a precious life that had been gifted to us”.

As if in an instant, I was teleported to the NICU holding your hand for the first time. Your foot was just barely the same size as my thumb.

Was this all real?

I knew it was because you would ever so slightly squeeze my pinky, make noises as you breathed, and blink your eyes as you stared up at me. Your eyes were so dark, skin fuzzy, and movements that still melt my heart when I think of them. Ten minutes felt like an hour as I took pictures and videos just so your mother could see what I saw in you.

I went to share some of those moments with your mom as we shared tender tears watching you move your limbs on my iPhone. Little did we know that your mom wouldn’t be able to meet you in person for another 27 hours. What I did know was I would be right back by your side.

My father’s love kicked in right away as I gave you your first feeding of high-calorie formula.

This was the first of many routine feedings set for every three hours where I bonded to you. After feedings, I would do kangaroo care and talk to you and tell you about the world and how lucky we were to have you in our lives. I would balance attending every three hours for you with taking care of your mother who sometimes rivaled you in the amount of care she needed.

With all of this, the first few nights were sleepless. As Courtney healed she shared her own emotional moments with you. Though it was rough on her she did love you very much. My father’s love for you has grown ever since we first held you in our arms.

The NICU stay became easier as Courtney healed and we were able to support you together and share the load. For 6 days we were in the hospital 24/7 until your mother was healed enough to return home.

Then came the hardest part

leaving the hospital while you were still there. We didn’t feel whole going home without you. Luckily, I was able to get work off so that I could be there for both you and your mother. We also had gift cards to a nearby restaurant where we would often get a turkey bacon pesto sandwich to go that we split. It sustained us as we spent all day by your side. We were there for as long as we could be there for and never left before midnight. Your mom always brought in stylish hats.

Beep. Beep.

At no other time in our lives would we be in love with so many beeps. It was a sign that you were alright. I became obsessed with making sure all your vitals were in the ranges they should be. When we had questions your doctor and nurses were always willing to help. On top of that, they would always tell us how you had the cutest blue eyes or most precious nose.

We couldn’t take enough pictures because we wanted to always remember. We remember how high-calorie formula sustained you and turkey bacon pesto sandwiches sustained us. But what I want you to know is your NICU stay and your father’s love will always be things you can be appreciative of.

I love you with all my heart peanut,

Your Father’s Love Forever

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This letter A Father’s Love was written in honor of September as NICU Awareness Month. My husband, Steven wrote this letter for Cora to share about his experience with his father’s love and of a NICU baby. Although you read my words the most, Steven is an active supporter of Knock on Motherhood. He works mainly behind the scenes. Stay up to date with us on our Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and subscribing to my email list.