I originally published my preeclampsia birth story in May 2020. Since its original publication, I have gone through a lot of therapy and have remembered parts of the story that I didn’t remember last year. I also have clarified some things and made changes to make the story flow a bit more. Everything I described is true and what I experienced. When you experienced a traumatic birth, sometimes you don’t remember everything as your brain’s way of protecting you.
If you want to stay updated on my latest posts and follow along with this story click here to subscribe. If you want to stay updated on my latest posts and follow along with this story click here to subscribe. Click here to read Part 1 (Watch Your Blood Pressure). Click here to read Part 2 (Time For My Unexpected Hospitalization). To read part 3 (Have This Baby Immediately) click here. And click here for part 5 (Strong Emotions in the NICU).
Table of Contents
Preeclampsia Birth Story: Discomfort Immediately After C-Section
The next thing I remember after c-section was Steven with 2 nurses helping me stand up out of bed and change my bloody pads as part of the post-op care. I felt so weak and hungry that I asked for some food.
They gave me a piece of bread with some jam but that felt like a raw chicken in my stomach.
I laid back feeling like the room was spinning and my tummy was on a rollercoaster and my skin was lava from the magnesium. Steven came back from the NICU and a nurse gave him some ice chips to feed me. She then told me that I would be on an all-liquid diet according to the doctor’s orders. I lived in the constant fear that I was going to have a seizure because the sides of my hospital bed were wrapped in thick, navy pads so I wouldn’t hurt myself.
I still have no memory of what happened after c-section with trying to eat. The next memory I have is when I got moved into the Mother-Baby unit.
Preeclampsia Birth Story: Disappointment With Breast Pumping
Before I moved the lactation consultant visited me. I’m sure she had every good intention, but I hated it when she came in. I could just feel her disappointment in me whenever she looked at me with her icy cold eyes when I would reply that I didn’t pump during the night.
After c-section how could I all of a sudden produce milk 5 weeks before I was supposed to? Why would I want to even try when just lying in bed was painful and my skin was in flames?
She taught me how a pump operated while my breasts were exposed to the whole world. The breast pump chaffed my nipples as I tried for 15 minutes to get anything out. While this was happening, a sweet NICU nurse named Lyndsey, came into the room rolling a bassinet. She told me that she was able to convince her doctor and other nurses to take Cora Belle to my room so I could meet my daughter.
The nurse held Cora by my chest and in that same instant, my eyes filled up with tears and started a river down my face. I couldn’t believe that it was actually her and she was the baby inside of me the day before.
In this same instant milk started to come out of my breasts. The visit lasted for a few moments. Because Cora was so small she could get cold really easily and needed to get back into the NICU.
After the lactation consultant left and took my milk with her, new nurses came in to get me ready to move to the Mother-Baby Unit. I needed to roll over on a different bed so I could be taken there. It took a really long time because with every move I made it felt like my insides were going to fall out of my body. I still was hooked up to an IV pumping magnesium into my body. The nurses kept their patience with me and tried to make me smile. After I was able to get into the new bed, with all my insides still in, they wheeled me to the Mother-Baby unit.
Preeclampsia Birth Story: Moving to The Mother-Baby Unit
I got a different nurse because it was in a different unit. I had this really sweet old lady who really tried to make me feel comfortable and like any other new mom in the unit. She was my favorite nurse. And the only one who really made me feel like I was a mom. She never tiptoed around the fact my baby was in the NICU, unlike the other ones I would get. She always reassured me and said,
“Preemie babies are like brownies that were taken out of the oven too early. They just need a little more time to cook”.
After c-section I was still hooked up to magnesium, I felt like my body was on fire and I could hardly focus. I would fall in and out of sleep and would wake up when the nurse came in to give me my doses of pain, post-surgery, and blood pressure medications. While I was awake, I would scroll on social media on my phone or watch YouTube, anything to get my mind off the fact that my daughter wasn’t in the room with me like all the other moms in the unit. I constantly heard babies crying. Everyone else’s baby but my own. It was like I was in my own personal hell.
After c-section I also needed to distract myself from the IV. My veins are small and deep, so it takes a long time for a needle to actually poke through and it is super painful to have one in. Steven would pop in and out of my room to see how I was doing in between Cora’s cares.
Preeclampsia Birth Story: Announcing The Birth
During this time, it was when I announced on my Facebook and Instagram accounts the birth of Cora. I briefly explained what happened. I received many comments saying things like “You’re so strong. I’m praying for you.” Those were just empty words to me. What I needed was someone to sit in my hospital room with me. I needed someone to listen to me while I cried and listened to me complain about how awful my life was. But I didn’t get the support I needed. Some of the people I considered friends and family, failed to show up when I needed them the most.
Steven would hold my hand while I just cried.
After c-section I felt all of the postpartum hormones were rushing through my body like they were running an Olympic race. On top of that, I had magnesium pumping through my veins making me very hot, drowsy, and weak. It felt like I had the flu multiplied by a million. My blood pressure was running 160/110 and I was constantly on the watch to stroke or seize. I felt like I was in hell. There were many times when I was alone because my husband was in the NICU with Cora and my mom hadn’t arrived yet. Those were the worst times for me.
Preeclampsia Birth Story: Why I Cried
I felt so alone, scared, and just plain depressed.
After c-section I couldn’t believe that this happened to me and I was dealing with this. It seemed so dang unfair that I had this happen to me. I tried to work hard to save money for her by getting a full-time job after I graduated the previous December. I shopped frugally by going to the thrift store and picking out cute onesies and sleepers.
Garage sales were places I shopped at regularly and was always on the lookout for any great deal. My favorite thing to do was to look up how-tos online. There was nothing in this world that could’ve prepared me for how the first 2.5 weeks of her life would feel. Actually, how the first year of her life would be.
More than once a nurse or lactation consultant would come in and I would be crying. It was embarrassing to me. I never cried unless it was in front of my family or my husband, but that week of hell I cried every single hour.
If I wasn’t crying, it was because I just got done crying.
Preeclampsia Birth Story: Others Trying to Comfort Me
After c-section people would tell me kind words and how she is a strong baby and I was strong, but they were just empty words. There was nothing anyone could have said or done that would have made me feel any different. I was a failure.
Around 5 o’clock that night my nurse came in and asked, “If you could have anything you wanted right now what would it be?” I replied, “French fries”. She looked at me with concern, “How about a turkey sandwich?” then smiled, “You’re getting off magnesium girly.” My body filled with joy and excitement.
“Do I get to see my baby?”
She nodded. I would’ve jumped out of my bed and ripped out my IV if I didn’t feel like I was going to tip over from exhaustion the moment my feet stepped out of the bed. At this moment I hadn’t left my bed for 2 days. The moment I got admitted, besides rolling onto a different bed, until now I was unable to move. Typically, after c-section, a mom gets out of bed about 24 hours after surgery.
The fries and sandwich came in. Normally, I don’t eat sandwiches because I think they are really gross but I was so excited to eat one. I inhaled the French fries and ate about half of the sandwich. I wanted more food because my stomach was empty from the jello and chicken broth but I was too excited and anxious to finally meet the human I spent the last 8 months growing inside of me.
Preeclampsia Birth Story: Seeing My Baby In The NICU
After c-section it took me a while to get onto the wheelchair and unhooked from the IV. My body hurt and my stomach was only held together by stitches. But inch by inch with the nurse’s and Steven’s help I was able to scoot onto the wheelchair. Steven then wheeled me over to the NICU. At this point, Steven had been spending nearly every waking moment with Cora there.
There is nothing that can prepare you for what it looks like to see your baby hooked up to machines and wires. I knew she was in the NICU but the image in my head was what I’ve seen on TV and in movies. The moment I saw her and saw how small she actually was, I felt awful. I broke down and cried. It was my fault that she was in the NICU. If only I could’ve lasted just a few weeks longer and grown her, so she wasn’t so small. After c-section all that was playing in my head were scenarios of how I could’ve done better.
She was smaller than a baby doll. Her head fit perfectly in my palm and her limbs were as fragile as toothpicks.
Her NICU nurse that night, Lyndsey, took Cora out of the incubator and placed her in between my breasts. At that moment I never wanted to let go. But there was still so much both of us had to go through before we were able to go home.
Click here to read part 5 (Strong Emotions in the NICU). The final part of the preeclampsia birth story.
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Preeclampsia can come on fast. It is important to be on top of your pregnancy and prepared for anything. Checking my blood pressure regularly was very important to me and if you are pregnant it should be important to you. Here is the blood pressure cuff that I used to stay on top of my health. Click on the picture below to get one for yourself.
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What a story! Just so you know, the link to part five actually goes back to part three! BRB gonna dig around for the final part on your site because I neeeed to know.
Thanks for letting me know!