This post is a continuation of my previous post about my pregnancy after ectopic pregnancy loss covering weeks 26-28 of my current pregnancy. If you have not read that one before this one, I recommend reading it. As well as my first post covering this current pregnancy which covers pregnancy after ectopic pregnancy loss weeks 4-17.
I like to share these posts because I have enjoyed reading others’ stories online. It has made me feel less alone in feelings and everything I am experiencing with pregnancy after loss.
For those who do not know, this is my third pregnancy (I have had 3 chemical pregnancies before my living daughter, but I have only had 3 medically/clinically diagnosed pregnancies). My first was my living daughter who was born prematurely due to preeclampsia with severe features and my second was an ectopic pregnancy I am on my second pregnancy in less than a year. This is my pregnancy after ectopic pregnancy loss.
According to ACOG an ectopic pregnancy is, “when a fertilized egg grows outside of the uterus. Almost all ectopic pregnancies—more than 90%—occur in a fallopian tube. As the pregnancy grows, it can cause the tube to burst (rupture). A rupture can cause major internal bleeding. [Ectopic pregnancy is] a life-threatening emergency that needs immediate surgery.”
According to Pregnancy after Loss Support, “Pregnancy after loss is a unique experience of grief and joy that requires recognition from family, friends, peers, and professionals“
Table of Contents
Pregnancy after Ectopic Pregnancy Loss: Week 26
I kicked off the start of this week with some fun “self-care”. I enjoy pedicures and getting my hair done. It is something I haven’t always been able to do, but we have been blessed that during this season of life, it is something I can do every so often. It made me feel less blah and big. In honor of baby sis, I chose pink nail polish for my toes.
Movements have started to become more regular. In true daddy’s girl fashion like her older sister, baby sis kicks and is responsive the most to Steven’s voice. Lately, at night, it has been fun to take some time to bond with her. Maybe she’s less wiggly than our daughter was or we are more experienced, but it has been fun to be able to feel “Oh that is her head or bum” or “That must be a foot or hand”. Our daughter has felt slight kicks, but she usually isn’t patient enough. Although, when she rests her head on my belly baby sis kicks at her.
At the end of week 25, I took the 1-hour glucose drink. I always hear horrible things about it, but I really don’t think the 1 hour is that bad. It’s sweet but I can get it down. I went first thing in the morning, not eating anything since the night before to the lab I needed to go to. They took my fasting numbers (which were great!) and had me drink the orange flavor glucose drink. I sat and just read my book while waiting for the hour to be up.
My veins are deep and small, so it usually takes nurses a good few pokes to get anything. But the lab employees were so good I only got poked once each draw. I ended up getting my results via email that day. After a quick Google search, I realized my number after 1 hour was about 15 points above passing. This got me nervous but decided I wasn’t going to freak out until I got a call from my doctor.
At the end of week 26 (1 week after I took the drink!), I got a call from my doctor’s office telling me I needed to do the 3-hour glucose test and they would send the script over to the lab. I hated that I had to do this and it made me very nervous that I would end up with gestational diabetes this pregnancy. It would’ve not been the end of the world, but it would be another thing to have to think and worry about.
At the end of this week, I felt very triggered over something. I have not felt very triggered in a long time and it really caught me off guard. I cried for hours and hours and had a difficult time settling down and grounding myself. Steven also felt slightly upset over it as well and we both had a good cry about it. It just felt so unfair that we got handed these cards. I mourned the fact that I had an ectopic pregnancy and we will never be able to raise that child we lost. I mourned that I will never have a “normal” pregnancy experience and don’t know any different.
Eventually, we were able to move through those feelings. Using the techniques and skills we’ve learned in therapy as well as prayer. It doesn’t take away the fact that it is truly unfair and pregnancy after ectopic pregnancy loss just sucks. But we both were able to work through our feelings.
Pregnancy after Ectopic Pregnancy Loss: Week 27
I stressed this whole week about the dreaded 3-hour glucose test. I watched YouTube videos, talked to some friends who had gestational diabetes and just dreaded that I had to do this. I definitely drove Steven a little crazy cause it was all I was thinking and talking about.
This pregnancy in particular I have LOVED slushies and sodas. Something about the sparkly fizz with ice and the texture of the ice mixture of a slushie has hit the spot. So I was mourning prematurely about the possibility of having to stop drinking/eating those for the remainder of the pregnancy.
At the end of the week, I woke up and went to the lab. I packed up my laptop, book, phone, headphones, and chargers. I was not happy, but I was grateful my doctor was making sure. I just hated I had to do this.
I ended up being taken down to a nice room with a good recliner. I had one employee that took care of me the whole time. Got me water, and ice chips and made sure I was comfortable. I ended up with a lemon-lime drink and it was much harder to get down. It was a syrup-like texture and it was so, so, so sweet. I had a quiet 3 hours of reading, working on my laptop, and watching shows. It was kinda nice to be by myself for that long and just chill.
After all the draws were done, I left and drank the protein shake that I brought and left in the car with me. It wasn’t until I got home that I felt a major sugar crash. I took a nap but was cranky the rest of the day. I just felt bleh.
Later that afternoon, I got a call from my doctor’s office with the results. I passed the 3-hour glucose test and I was so ecstatic. Just one less thing I had to worry about.
Pregnancy after Ectopic Pregnancy Loss: Week 28
This week was really the week it hit me that preeclampsia can happen again to me. I have been less stressed about pregnancy or infant loss the further I’ve gotten into my pregnancy. I shared this post over on my Instagram that week:
https://www.instagram.com/p/Ct5GyxxvECt/?hl=en
I think it summarizes my thoughts and feelings pretty accurately. It is much harder mentally and emotionally than I ever thought it would be. And now close to the week things started to go wrong with my pregnancy with my daughter, it has become less about loss and more about scared to have preeclampsia again.
One of the books that have helped me during this pregnancy is the book “Courageously Expecting” by Jenny Albers. This book is filled with encouragement during your pregnancy after loss. I also found it encouraging as a pregnancy after a traumatic birth and pregnancy.
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It’s hard to take things one day at a time. I am such a planner and it drives me crazy that pregnancy can’t always be planned. Even though I know some facts: I’m having another section and XYZ hospital. I still can’t plan for a lot. Because my pregnancy with my daughter was “normal” and “fine” until all of a sudden it wasn’t.
How I am Currently Feeling about Pregnancy After Ectopic Pregnancy Loss
I am 28 weeks and 4 days as I am finishing writing this blog post. I still feel a lot of anxiety. Pregnancy after ectopic pregnancy loss is a lot mentally and emotionally. I am grateful I spent time in therapy to learn coping skills and techniques long before I was pregnant. I have been able to use what I learned to manage the anxiety I have.
It has helped a lot too that I have a great doctor. I am so glad I have found him and also the office I am in. I knew they were good when I chose them before my ectopic pregnancy, but I absolutely knew I made the correct choice by the way they treated me during the ectopic pregnancy as well as now during my pregnancy after ectopic pregnancy loss.
We made a plan at my last appointment of when I should call and who I should call if I begin to get concerned about preeclampsia symptoms. Which has eased a lot of my fears.
Pregnancy after Ectopic Pregnancy Loss FAQs:
- I had surgery and my tube was removed
- I also had a large cyst in my ovary at the same time that was drained out during the surgery
- I had a D&C at the same time
- I never took methotrexate to manage the ectopic pregnancy
- I do not qualify for a VBAC due to my medical and pregnancy history
- I have been on baby aspirin ever since I was TTC due to my history of blood clots and preeclampsia
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