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Health Update: Fatigue & Feeling Off
When I started my blog, my main goal and purpose were to help other women who were like me. I wanted to be honest and real with everything that I went through and still going through. Right now I feel fatigued in many ways I don’t feel like myself. When I was first diagnosed with preeclampsia last year, I went searching the internet for anyone else who had it. At the time, I couldn’t find many women or resources.
Once I started my blog and Instagram account I was able to connect with so many other survivors who have helped me on my own healing journey. And I admire the survivors I have connected with being open and honest about the effects of preeclampsia. I want to do the same.
I’m not writing this post to gain sympathy or attention for my fatigue.
I simply want to be honest and real. I have been thinking about writing this post for weeks now I have even felt fatigued at the thought of sharing this. But I kept telling myself that it wouldn’t be a good idea. I just couldn’t shake the thought. Maybe another preeclampsia survivor out there is going through the same thing?
Ever since birth, I have felt awful fatigue.
I attributed a lot of that fatigue to my horrible postpartum depression and inability to sleep. After I went through therapy and started taking melatonin at night, my ability to sleep was a lot better. I still have my nights about 2x a month where I will not sleep–that is because of my anxiety. The fatigue still occurred no matter how long I slept.
I also have a very hard time losing weight. And the weight I am trying to lose is to get me to a healthy weight. The pregnancy was very hard on my body and I gained a lot of weight due to the side effects of preeclampsia as well as the bedrest. I was in the hospital for 6 days after birth and then found it very hard to heal from the surgery. My muscles were so weak from the surgery as well as the bedrest.
I also suffered horrible postpartum depression and physically could barely get myself out of bed for months.
And when I would eat, it wouldn’t be anything healthy. Food was my coping mechanism because it was the only thing I had control of in my life without getting too fatigued. I would go through periods of eating nothing at all to then eating everything in sight. I was unhappy with my body and felt like I was trapped in someone else’s body. My body was also so weak and could no longer do the exercises I once loved.
Once I got help with therapy, I slowly was able to learn new coping mechanisms. I got on a plan with eating more healthily and working out. And was really starting to feel more like myself again. I was able to do ab workouts again as well as cardio.
With my strength regained and my eating on track, I still was seeing no progress on the scale. I understand that not everything is about the scale and I was seeing small progress measurement-wise, but for what I was doing, more should’ve been happening.
After months of noticing the fatigue and the lack of weight loss, I just felt something was off.
I was originally waiting until 2 years have passed since my c-section to go to a maternal-fetal medicine doctor (MFM) or see my primary care doc (PCP) to check up on my body. I wanted to know what my options are in regards to having another pregnancy. But I just knew something wasn’t right and the fatigue was not right. So I called up my PCP and made an appointment.
I then requested my medical records from my previous women’s clinic that took care of me during my pregnancy. I combed through those records. Pages and pages of lab work, ultrasounds, and doctor’s notes. It was really triggering for me to go through and I had a lot of tears. But at the same time, it was very healing for me to realize that I wasn’t overreacting.
I was actually very, very sick. And Cora was very, very close to dying in the womb.
When I got to my appointment with my PCP, I brought in all of my medical records. Under perfect circumstances, I would just request to meet with an MFM, but my insurances require me to go through my PCP first and my PCP will then refer out as needed. I explained to my PCP my pregnancy, birth, postpartum period, fatigue, and all my symptoms now. And I explained that I just wanted to be healthy and I wanted to make sure my body was alright.
He gave me a general check-up. And everything was alright there. He explained to me that what my body went through, it really took a toll on my body. Preeclampsia affects multiple organs. He also explained that there could be many things occurring and my body might need a little extra help to get things back to normal. He asked me how therapy went with my depression. I explained to him that I felt it went well and I feel fine emotionally.
He then told me that depression also affects the body metabolically and essentially my body has been in a fight or flight mode since that day. Which honestly, I agree with that observation.
He prescribed me an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication with the intent to regulate my body and remind it how to be “normal”. I was never against medication in the past, and I definitely don’t judge others for using it. But I wanted to do everything I could on my own.
I knew that I have done all I could without it, so I was ready to accept that help. I have been on it for a little over a month now, and I really notice a difference in myself and how fatigued I feel. The bad days occur less often. I don’t have a little cloud of darkness following me around wherever I go. So, that is very nice to have.
My PCP also ordered blood work. To check my thyroid, insulin resistance, my kidneys, liver, and other organs.
I was grateful he was doing this and really looking out for me. He told me that he definitely will help me become healthy again. For that, I am so grateful. I was lost for so long, knowing deep down that there was something not quite right.
A month later from my initial visit and about 2 weeks ago, I met with my PCP again. I got a call about my blood work showing that I have insulin resistance. My doctor wanted to meet with me to discuss the medication he wanted to put me on. I was really anxious going into the visit and also disappointed in myself. I knew I was really trying my best and doing all I could to be healthy. But I still felt like my body failed me, yet again.
I do not have a great relationship with my body, because I feel like it always fails me. It failed to grow my daughter as it should have, it failed to not develop preeclampsia, it failed to not recover smoothly, and now this.
My PCP explained to me again that my body is trying to figure out its normal and feeling fatigued is a part of that.
It just needs a little extra help with getting there. The trauma my body went through caused a lot of my systems to not be working as they should. The rest of my lab work was great and normal. That made me really happy that my liver and kidneys didn’t sustain long-term damage as I feared.
My blood pressure is also still at normal levels, which I am so grateful for. And this insulin resistance that I have is on the higher side of the normal. So, it is something that I can reverse and control. He prescribed me metformin that I take every morning and night. And advised me to continue with my good eating and exercising and to take the weight loss slow and steady.
I have been on this medication for 2 weeks now. And I do notice a huge difference. I don’t feel that fatigue. And I am wanting to snack a lot less because I don’t need to fight the fatigue I feel with something. I had really bad side effects for the first week with severe diarrhea and some nausea but once my body got used to it, that became better. I don’t want to sleep all the time or need to take a nap when Cora naps. My nighttime sleep is still not the best and I still don’t sleep through the night. But I am confident that will slowly get better.
In the future, I will be getting autoimmune disorder testing as well as testing for blood clotting disorders. Right now, my doctor and I are taking things one step at a time and just crossing things off as we go. Slow and steady is the way I am taking my life right now. Even though I still get fatigued I will try my best to do what I can to get back to normal.
My current focus right now is to get my body back in a healthy and normal place and not be as fatigued.
Will I have another pregnancy?
I am really not sure.
It was very traumatic for me and also my husband. I don’t think I could go through another preeclampsia and preemie pregnancy and come out of it mentally and emotionally alright. Especially since I will have another child at home who wouldn’t understand the circumstances or why they can’t meet their new sibling because they are in the NICU. I have no interest currently in ever being pregnant again, but I definitely feel like there is a baby out there needing to be a part of our family. I also want Cora to have the opportunity to have siblings because I cherish the relationships I have with my own.
When the time comes and my body is in the healthiest state it can be in, I’ll meet with an MFM to find out if I can have another pregnancy. And from there, Steven and I can decide what to do. I do mourn that it is no longer a Steven-and-I decision. And it has become a Steven and me, my MFM, my PCP, and any other potential specialists decision. I also mourn the fact that I just turned 24 and I feel like my body is more of a 40-year-olds. But I am confident as I work with my doctors and figure out what is going on, I will begin to feel more of my age.
Overall, I am still feeling “off”. And that is the best way I can describe it. I feel like there is more than just depression and insulin resistance, but I do feel a lot less fatigue with those getting under control. I am looking forward to the day my body feels like my own again with no more fatigue. And I am so grateful that my PCP is on my side and willing to work with me.
I do get down on myself and compare myself to other women, that seem to be able to do so much more in their lives than I can. Although I feel fatigued and off I have to remind myself that I went through a completely different pregnancy and postpartum experience than them.
But man, that is so, so hard. But I am strong and I will get through this.
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Fatigue combined with postpartum depression can be a horrible experience. Especially if you are sensitive to how you are feeling. Melatonin has helped me to sleep and regain my energy. It is a way that I have regained some of my energy. I got a better night’s sleep when I took it before I had prescriptions. Click on the image below to buy a bottle to improve your own sleep efficiency.
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