This week’s interview is totally different than my past interviews about a preeclampsia survivor. This week I am interviewing a husband of a preeclampsia survivor and a dad of a preemie. Lee is a husband of a preeclampsia survivor named Charlotte, who I interviewed a few weeks ago.
Lee was very kind to allow me to interview him and I am grateful to have learned his perspective as he was a husband of a preeclampsia survivor experience. A lot of times a preeclampsia survivor’s experiences can be very traumatic for partners of those who have developed preeclampsia. Sometimes traumatic experiences can be hard to talk about, so I am very appreciative of Lee’s willingness.
If you haven’t read any of my previous interviews you can here. A few weeks ago, I interviewed a postpartum preeclampsia survivor as well as interviewed a husband of a preeclampsia survivor where he talks about his experience as a preemie dad. Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter here to stay up to date on my latest interviews. You can also follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.
Table of Contents
Meet Lee
A preemie dad to Leela, who was born at 31 weeks at 3 lb 1 oz. He is a husband of a preeclampsia survivor named Charlotte, living in the UK.
What was the pregnancy like in your view as a husband of a preeclampsia survivor?
In total honesty, I thought it was amazing right up until the point I started having concerns for Charlotte’s [my wife’s] health. She didn’t get much morning sickness. She didn’t struggle as much as other mothers I knew did until it got closer to around 26 weeks. That is when she started showing signs of struggling with the pregnancy. Around 28 weeks, she started swelling at a rapid pace. She started to get shortness of breath often. Struggling a lot at work but, Charlotte being Charlotte, she just powered through it mostly, to be honest, and worked right up until the point she had Leela. She was actually due at work that day.
How did it feel when your wife was admitted to the hospital [as a husband of a preeclampsia]?
It was really worrying as we weren’t sure what was happening until around 5 am on the morning of the 29th. All we knew up to that point was that Charlotte had a really high blood pressure reading from when she first turned up to A&E at around 1:30 am. She checked over pretty much straight away but then we sat in A&E until 4:45 am.
When did you know something was wrong with your wife?
I started to be concerned about her ever since she was around 28 weeks along. Starting to really struggle with the pregnancy but, as I explained above, showing no signs that something was majorly wrong as she was still working, etc. But didn’t start fully worried until the morning of the day we had Leela.
From your view as a husband of a preeclampsia survivor, what was it like the day your baby was born?
It was a total blur and hours felt like minutes. It just seemed to go so fast. We got told at 8 am Charlotte was going to have Leela. At 6:16 pm she came into the world. It seemed to come by in a complete flash.
As a husband of a preeclampsia survivor, what was it like meeting your baby for the first time?
So overwhelming and truly amazing. When I cut the cord it was so so special to me as I was told the likelihood of me doing was very slim. Then I put my little finger out and tried to calm Leela while the doctors and midwife prepared Leela for going into the incubator and she reached out and grab my little finger. I could nothing but smile. The midwives had picked a little wool hat for her head and it was shaped and colored like it was meant to be a strawberry so now we call Leela our little strawberry. I still have the hat it never leaves my side.
As a husband of a preeclampsia survivor, was it hard not to be able to stay with your wife in the normal ward?
Yeah, I think for me hospitals do need to rethink their process and procedures with premature mums. I saw my wife struggle with her mental health. A lot due to the fact that they had put a NICU mum on a normal ward for several days while surrounded by mums whose babies were with them and were crying as babies do so my wife did nothing but think of Leela.
As a husband of a preeclampsia survivor, what was your source of support (examples: religion, friends, parents, etc)?
My wife’s parents mainly and some close friends were there for us if needed.
Did you feel like you had the support you needed as a dad and a preemie and a husband of a preeclampsia survivor?
In some respect, totally hospital staff were caring and thoughtful and my manager at work helped a lot with helping me cope with such a difficult time which i am so thankful for
As a husband of a preeclampsia survivor, how has your life changed since your wife’s diagnosis?
Since the whole experience, I have fallen in love with my wife all over again as she was so unbelievably strong to go through everything she did and I couldn’t be prouder. I also have a newfound appreciation for life and the time you have to spend with your baby.
As a husband of a preeclampsia survivor, did you struggle with any emotions of sadness/upset while baby was in NICU?
Yeah, I’m not going to lie it still affects me now. I don’t really like to talk about it a lot as it’s was a very traumatic experience.
As a husband of a preeclampsia survivor what was it like seeing your baby in the incubator for the first time?
Really emotional. While most of the dads are getting the skin to skin all I could do was look at her through a plastic casing with tubes and wires covering her beautiful perfect little face. I will never get the beeping of all the machines that supported her out of my head for the rest of my life.
As a husband of a preeclampsia survivor, what did you do to develop a bond with Leela?
When she was born I took the little knitted hat they put on her head and kept with me everywhere I went while she was in the hospital. I still take it with me whenever I’m not with her. The hospital gave us little knitted squares so I would sleep with her next to me then swap them every time we would go see her.
As a husband of a preeclampsia survivor, what was it like the day you left the hospital with your wife, but had to leave Leela behind?
That was really tough day for both of us as being happy that Charlotte was healthy enough to come home but then thinking about the fact we were leaving our little girl in the care of someone other than us was awful we felt like terrible parents at first but kind of got round to the thought of she was in the best place to get better we the best kind of people.
As a husband of a preeclampsia survivor, what was the day like that Leela was able to come home?
Incredible and totally surreal as we had just settled into the whole routine of me visiting on a night straight after work as Leela and Charlotte were in the hospital for a full week and a half together before they could come home. Then the midwives turn around to us and say that she can go today it was an unbelievable feeling and having the moment any dad dreams of carrying their little person out in a car seat was one of the greatest moments of my Life
As a husband of a preeclampsia survivor, how would you describe the NICU experience in 3 words?
Heartbreaking, helpless, and proud
As a husband of a preeclampsia survivor, what was it like being the only one not as a patient in the hospital?
Very hard. Especially because I didn’t take my paternity [leave] until both Leela and Charlotte [were out of the hospital]. So I was still going to work on a daily basis. Then I would go home, get changed, and go straight to the hospital. Luckily our house is within walking distance of the hospital
As a husband of a preeclampsia survivor, if you could go back and give yourself advice, what would you say?
Bring a cushion for your back as hospital chairs are not comfy at all. haha. Jokes aside, I think for me I just say focus on all the positive aspects focus on the amazing progress Leela was making day today. I felt at the time all could do was focus on the negative side and couldn’t pull myself away from that.
In your opinion, what should hospitals/providers be doing differently to better support parents of preemies?
The main thing is focusing on changing the process of how preeclampsia mothers are treated when they first have their babies. Putting a preemie mum on a ward with normal birth mums is showing a total lack of care for the new mother’s mental health. It can get even worse when the baby is unwell. Also, if they weren’t able to see their baby for 48 hours after having a c-section.
Transitional care needs to be looked at by me as well. While my wife was in that she was stuck in the same 4 walls day in day out with very little help. I had to work and she had one midwife who had to float between NICU and transitional. Don’t get me wrong, the midwife did all they could do for Charlotte while she was in the hospital, but it got so difficult for her without the help a new preemie mum needs
As a husband of a preeclampsia survivor, what advice do you have for current NICU dads?
I think what I would tell myself really focus on the positive moments your baby has. Honestly, they are so much stronger we give them credit for. It’s amazing what one little life can do.
What advice do you have for husbands of those who get diagnosed with preeclampsia?
Be a team, you both go through the preeclampsia experience together. Know that this will be a tough journey. All you can do is be calming, loving, and supporting your wife in all she goes through.
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If you are a preeclampsia survivor or HELLP syndrome survivor and would like to share your story, please contact me through email at courtney@knockonmotherhood.com. I would love to share your birth story and keep spreading awareness. I am trying to gather as many preeclampsia survivors birth stories as possible to spread awareness.
If you are a preemie mom, I would also love to share your story. Please contact me through email at courtney@knockonmotherhood.com.
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