This post is the second and last part of my birth story after preeclampsia and an ectopic pregnancy. I recently had my second living child which was my pregnancy after preeclampsia and an ectopic pregnancy. You can read the first part of the story here. The birth story of my oldest, which was my pregnancy with preeclampsia and prematurity, can be read here. My pregnancy between my 2 girls was an ectopic pregnancy and you can read that story here.
I wrote out my experiences during my whole pregnancy after preeclampsia and an ectopic pregnancy starting with the first few months of the pregnancy. You can read the first part of those posts here.
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Table of Contents
Needing To Be Re-Stitched
I was moving around super great by myself. I felt so dang good. So I could get out of the hospital bed and go to the bathroom by myself, I had showered by myself at this point and was just so happy all had gone well. In the evening, my night nurse came and did a check on my incision. She commented it seemed to open and got the charge nurse. The charge nurse came in with an iPad and asked if it was alright she took a picture to send to my doctor to see what he wanted to do. I consented.
Shortly, my doctor came in and explained that my staples didn’t hold well, and this can sometimes happen particularly when nurses check they pull too hard. (I want to add that I didn’t feel any pain so I had no idea it was like this). He told me they needed to restitch me and were going to give lidocaine shots in the incision area and it would be pretty painful when they did that.
At this point, I started balling my eyes out. It was too good to be true. It felt at that moment, that I couldn’t have a good experience ever. That something always had to go wrong. It has constantly felt like medically in my life after preeclampsia things will always go wrong.
My 4-year-old was still in the hospital with us so I told Steven to go and take her out because I didn’t want her in the room when it was all happening. My sweet night nurse told Steven to stay with me, and she took Eleanor and Cora out on a walk in the unit. Our 4-year-old loved this. She got popsicles, all the attention, and proudly exclaimed when all was said and done “I want to be a baby nurse when I grow up!”.
I was crying and shaking so hard as all this was happening. The unit brought up a med surg nurse to help my doctor sew me back up. I was in so much pain. I can’t fully describe how painful this was. It felt like someone was ripping me apart when I was already bruised. It honestly felt worse than my first c-section after preeclampsia started happening. I didn’t feel the being sewed up part. I felt the extreme pain of the lidocaine shots going into my incision area. My doctor was so kind, just chatting with us, and being calm.
I just kept apologizing for my reactions. My doctor assured me that it was fine and no big deal and it was hard after preeclampsia. In my case, particularly hard because I had previous birth trauma. Both trauma with my ectopic pregnancy less than a year before and the birth trauma after preeclampsia with my first birth. When it was all said and done, I begged for more pain medication because I was in so much pain. But, I was given my previous dose just an hour or so prior so I couldn’t yet. My nurse brought me a heating pad to place on my incision until I could get my next dose. Which helped a lot.
By the time my doctor was done, it was very late into the night. He told me he would see me the next morning to check on me. My nurse also brought Cora back at this point. Steven and Cora ended up sleeping on the couch in the room because it was so late in the night. I was in so much pain I was crying. I was also crying because it just felt like everything was too good to be true. Something had to go wrong–I just could never have a “perfectly normal good experience” after preeclampsia.
The night was your typical night with a newborn in the mom and baby unit afterward. Nurses came in for checks and medication. Because Eleanor was not latching well I would hand pump and then sygrine feed her. Either I would attempt to latch and then Steven would syringe it into her mouth or I would just feed her with the syringe. During the day a lactation consultant helped me with this.
During this night, I struggled to produce much. I think perhaps the emotions of needing to be restitched really took over and I needed to use some formula to feed her. As well as the physical trauma and exhaustion. This did crush me because I wanted to be able to breastfeed her. The choice to do so was taken away from me with my first after preeclampsia.
Soon enough, the morning came and my doctor came in to do his checks. He looked at my incisions and saw everything was good and told me I could stay one more night if I wanted to, but I was good to leave if I wanted that. I told him I would like to leave once things were all done. He told me to come and see him in a week to get out my stitches and then also reminded me that I could call him anytime.
Our Baby Has a Heart Murmur
After my doctor left, the pediatrician came in to do his checks. He heard the murmur again and talked with us about what needed to happen next. He told us not to worry unless something needed to be worried about. He explained to us that she needed a fetal echocardiogram done and it would take a few hours.
Soon enough a nurse came to take her away to get it done. I asked, “Could one of us come with her?” She said, “Yes, but it would only take an hour or so”. I felt nervous that something was going to be wrong and felt a little triggered by my first birth with my daughter in the NICU. She assured me that they would look after her.
It was longer than an hour (at least it felt that way). All 3 of us hung out in the room until it was time for my oldest to head to school. I luckily had packed extra clothes for my daughter and husband in my hospital bag just in case. Because they used those to be ready for school. Steven took Cora to school.
A nurse brought Eleanor back and the pediatrician came in also to tell us it went well but it would be several hours before we knew the results. He told us not to expect to be able to be discharged until dinner time. This was frustrating to me because everything seemed so fine. And I was pretty antsy to get home.
By this point, Steven was back and we ordered lunch from the hospital. The food was AMAZING. Not like normal hospital food. So many of our friends and neighbors told us this about the hospital and it was truly so good. After eating, we were able to do her first bath and get pictures of her all fresh and clean. It felt so amazing to be the first to do things because we never got that with our oldest.
Then, we just hung around. We Facetimed some family and rested. Steven then picked up our oldest from school and watched lots of TV until it was time for dinner.
We were getting so, so, so angsty at this point. We hadn’t heard anything else yet and still couldn’t leave. Eventually, later in the evening, the pediatrician came back.
It was news we never expected to hear.
“She has a hole in her heart.”
My mind went blank once I heard those words. My mouth was dry as I tried to process this. What? Everything went so well! My pregnancy was nearly perfect! The c-section went beautifully. She was full term!! How could this happen?
His eyes were very kind when he explained where it was and what it meant. He drew a picture of a heart on the whiteboard on the hospital wall and explained she had a ventricular septal defect. This means there is a hole in the wall (septum) that separates the two lower chambers (ventricles) of the heart. He explained it is a small hole, but that is what the murmur is being caused by. He asked us if any of us or our family had this or other congenital heart defects. We said no.
“Would this have been found on ultrasound?” I asked.
I was feeling frustrated that no one found this sooner. I mean I had ultrasounds during pregnancy. I was looked after. How could this have been missed? The peditrican said, “No. It would’ve been way too small to detect in utero.” This statement eased my frustration over that point. He then told us, “We will have you see a pediatric cardiologist in a few weeks to follow up. They are in a different state.” I stressed about this because the closest children’s hospital to us was several hours away. The thought of being so fresh post c-section to travel to see a specialist was stressful.
During this discussion, my oldest was in the room. She took it as “my brand new sister is going to die”. We spent the next several minutes trying to comfort her without showing how scared and unsure we were. During my pregnancy, Cora kept asking if this baby was going to die too, so it was difficult to come to terms with it.
Heading Home after Learning the News
We then got ready to be discharged. The last checks, the car seat check, discharge education, etc. I was just trying to hold it together. I was sad, but more just scared of what it meant. And exhausted from the day. And I was so upset that something else else wrong. I did everything “right” in my pregnancy. My c-section was smooth and she was full-term. It felt so unfair that I would give birth to another baby that had something wrong with it. I felt like I failed to grow another child.
It was around 7 or 8 pm that we were finally able to leave.
On our way home we did a Target pickup for some ready-to-feed formula and got all my medications. I did not have a ready-to-feed formula because I did not expect to ever need it (a major fail on my part to not be prepared in that way!).
It was an absolute nightmare getting back home. Cora was exhausted and had big emotions about our news with the hole in the heart. I was exhausted. Steven was exhausted. Eleanor was crying because she was hungry. We drove home all of us just crying. Out of exhaustion. Out of fear.
Once Steven got all of us settled, and Eleanor was fed. I set up alarms on my phone to make sure I pumped so I could get a supply going as well as have something for her if she didn’t latch. The hospital sent us home with a huge packet of information and ways to contact local lactation consultants in the area. I set up an appointment with one that night which would be in a few days.
It was a rough first night. I feel like you forget what it is really like to wake up with a baby every few hours until you do it again. So that was tough on top of Cora’s big emotions about everything. I think Cora ended up sleeping in our bed that night. Steven would help me with every single feed either feeding her a bottle of pumped milk/formula or syringe-feeding her while I attempted to nurse.
It was frustrating to me that nursing wasn’t working. I took classes (took the Karing for Postpartum breastfeeding class–well worth it!), read books, and had lactation help me for every single feeding at the hospital, but nothing was working. If she latched, she wouldn’t suck.
Meeting with a Lactation Consultant
A few days later, I was able to meet with the lactation consultant. She is very kind and helped me get her latched and observed. She did a lot of education too with me. She is also a registered nurse who used to work at a high-risk OB and was able to tell me that babies with heart conditions are very sleepy sometimes and can struggle to feed. I noticed beforehand she was so sleepy. If I didn’t wake her up every few hours, she wouldn’t herself most of the time. The LC confirmed why she was that way.
We still had a week until the cardiologist appointment (we got lucky that the cardiologist comes up to our city once or twice a month to visit with patients so we didn’t have to travel) so we didn’t know how much of an issue it was going to be.
The LC asked what my goals were and I told her I wanted to be able to nurse. If not nursing, I could live with exclusive pumping, but I wanted to be able to nurse. She asked me if I could triple feed (this is attempting to nurse, bottle feeding, then pumping) and if I had the support to do that.
Steven was at the appointment with me and he was my biggest support and advocate. We were blessed for him to have a few weeks of paid parental leave. I said I could do that but once he went back to work I couldn’t. We then set up an appointment for another week or so with triple feeding as the plan.
My LC also partners with a physical therapist who will do “bodywork”. I set up an appointment to do this at the next visit because she mentioned that Eleanor could have a possible tongue tie, but if body work “fixed” that issue of being so tight and unable to suck it wasn’t a true tie. I was familiar with this type of “bodywork” because my oldest had a physical therapist who came to our home several times a month to work on Cora as part of early intervention.
Is Preeclampsia happening to me postpartum?
Every morning and night (at least) once I got home, I took my blood pressure. I was so anxious that preeclampsia was going to happen to me postpartum. I somehow got lucky enough to not have it in my pregnancy, so I was sure it was going to happen postpartum.
I got a high reading of 140/90 2 days after being home (about 5 days postpartum) in the morning. I freaked and immediately called my doctor. He asked me about my other symptoms (I had none except for swelling). He told me to keep an eye on it and call him again later. And call again if I have another high reading or have a headache. That ended up being my only high reading.
A few days after the LC visit I had a visit with my doctor to get my stitches out. I saw a nurse (possibly the head nurse?) who took out my stitches. My parents were kind enough to come by the house for a bit so we didn’t have to take Cora to see me get my stitches out. I mentioned my high reading to the nurse and said that I was anxious for it to happen.
They checked me and she checked my swelling and assured me everything looked good. But to also not be scared of calling. She told me I was swelling, but it was a “normal swelling” and counseled me to decrease my water intake to help the swelling. She told me that because I was in bed and not doing much with a newborn I didn’t need a lot of water. (This made a huge difference! The swelling decreased a lot).
Exclusive pumping is NOT for the faint of heart. I emotionally was super stable and chill until about a week into pumping. I was losing it. I was so frustrated with her not being able to latch after I did everything “right”. I was sick of constantly cleaning pump parts. I was exhausted from healing. Exhausted from waking up so often at night. I was so scared that something was wrong with her heart.
This time, we had a lot of friends and neighbors bringing us meals. I had one friend in particular who made sure we had dinner every night for a week. It was so kind of her! We were given gift cards for food too. It was so nice to not have to worry about food.
Meeting the pediatric cardiologist
Finally, the day came for the visit with the pediatric cardiologist. We were originally told that we needed to see a cardiologist from a children’s specialty hospital in a completely different state (we got offers from friends and family who lived there to stay which was also so kind!). Luckily though, a few times a month a cardiologist comes up here so we didn’t have to travel. Eleanor was a huge hit at the office being a newborn.
They hooked her up to an EKG which brought back a lot of memories of Cora being hooked up to wires and tubes. It was very quick and then we just waited to see the doctor. Once he came in he listened to her heart and then talked to us about it being so, so, so small. He was surprised we were referred out and mentioned that it must have closed a lot between birth and now.
He explained to us that she technically had two holes. One was the VSD and the other one was a hole that a lot of the population has but doesn’t realize they do (don’t remember what this one was called). He drew a picture of the heart and explained where it was and what it does.
He then answered all of our questions about how it’ll likely close, and how she doesn’t have any other restrictions. He did ask me how she acts compared to my other child (because Cora was with us) and I said, “Well, she was a preemie so I don’t have anything “normal” to compare it to.” Eleanor was growing super well, thanks to my triple feeding (I was still doing it at this point. Almost 3 weeks postpartum here). We left with a schedule for a follow-up around 6 months.
It was a HUGE relief knowing that she was alright. It was a huge relief knowing that the hole in her heart was nothing to worry about. This lifted a lot of fear off of me.
Soon enough, Eleanor started to be able to latch and feed a lot better and I could get away without triple feeding. By the time Steven went back to work, I was only pumping once or twice over a 24-hour period. My emotions and mood went up a lot due to this.
By this point, I was also able to go on walks and do a lot of things on my own. My recovery went so well especially compared to my first because I was able to rest. I wasn’t going in and out of the NICU. And also my husband was home to do everything else. All I ever had to worry about was feeding, resting, and bonding. It was incredible.
Fast forward to my 6 week check up it was all good news. I was given the pathology reports and chatted about how things were going. He asked me about my depression and anxiety. I reported “not there. I feel so happy and so good. It is a huge difference from my first go around.” Which is true. It was amazing to feel happy once your baby was born.
It was incredible to actually feel bonded and actually like your life in the newborn phase. He commented how happy he was for us and then we chatted about what healthcare looked like going forward now that I will never be pregnant again. My doctor, luckily, also does well woman visits so I can keep going to them.
How I Feel Overall
AMAZING. I sometimes feel so bad for saying it because I do know how terrible and depressing a postpartum experience can be especially if you had preeclampsia or a NICU stay. But it truly has been bliss. Sure, there are some hard parts like adjusting back to life with a baby and learning how to be a parent to 2 kids. But life is truly great. I wish everyone could have this kind of experience.
I know how lucky I am that this is my experience. And I hope my sharing brings hope that it is possible to have a good experience after birth trauma. It is possible to have a pregnancy without preeclampsia after experiencing preeclampsia. That it is possible to have a baby after ectopic pregnancy.
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